First day of the rest of my life

Today marks the first day of the rest of my life where my battle with my 45-year-old stubbornness begins. Its been a long overdue confrontation with the most stubborn 45 years old in my life. "My Stubborn Self - Me". Stubbornness to be the way that I am. Stubbornness to believe that I have always been like this so why change now? The stubbornness that I am always right. Stubbornness to somehow get my way in all that I live and do. This self has seen past 45 years of my existence why should I do anything differently now? Like all over-the-hill adults, I had underestimated this one too. She's much too strong and alert for her age! I realize today unlearning is far more difficult than learning. Many would disagree but I shall talk of that later. Anyway, what may have started out as simple everyday value in my young self, kept on growing and becoming stronger in the process. There was no daily limit. Everything and anything was welcomed with open arms and added to my laundry list of values-to-live-by!  

Every experience of mine, most experiences of others kept on either reinforcing or adding new values to my self. The appropriate word is perhaps 'value-story'. Without my spelled-out consent, this 'value-story' for each value (as I refer to it) started building a wall, a "boundary-wall" around my existence. 

Every experience I had, every stand I took, every defense I built, every event I participated in, every story I read, every song I heard, every movie I watched, everything I said... all began to become brick and mortar for this "boundary-wall". The more open I became to my surroundings, the stronger and higher became this "boundary-wall". So much so that it grew so tall that even if I wanted to, I couldn't cross it. I had closed myself to everything outside. With my tacit participation, I let this list of values with their associated 'value-story' grow way beyond my reach or control. Moreover, with me, I had made all those who mattered also prisoner within this "boundary-wall". 

These significant others/people were with me but at the same time, they were also living within their own "boundary-walls" like me. I too was a prisoner within their "boundary-wall". A black-hole within a black-hole is how I would call it. A Russian doll. Like Onions. A whirlpool. I can come up with many more analogies but I guess these many would do to get across my thought.   

Last night, as I was sieving through my day, (something I have gotten used to as a ritual before sleeping) I realized how constricted and claustrophobic has my world become. I only do something or more often not do something or anything, to meet at least one 'value-story' if not many. There has to be a tick against one or more 'value-story' every day. You must be wondering what are these 'value-story'? 

I would describe 'value-story' for me are those stories that we build around to justify a value we live by. Let me give you an example - Respect is a value I have ingrained in myself because - Do unto others as you want them to do to you or what you sow is what you reap or what goes around, comes around - and many others like these. Before you jump, I concede there is absolutely nothing wrong with Respect as a value. However, my contention is you can't hold respect as 'the' reason to be cordial, warm, helpful, not hurt or offend anyone because you have the value 'Respect' as a label of your stories. You RESPECT - that's it! No beginning, no interval, no end! 

Why I feel the stories take away the core essence of your being? 

A value should be like oil is for the engine. When there's oil, the engine works. If there's no oil the engine doesn't work. It should be like sugar which when mixed with anything becomes a part of it but does not change its basic characteristic. It adds its essential character as-is to whatever its added to. It doesn't change in return. Simple. No stories, please. 

Values should not be like a traffic light that is installed nowadays to monitor you when and where to stop otherwise just keep on going the way you want to without any care for how you are affecting others and sometimes killing others and self in the process. Traffic light should guide whenever there are junctions, but they should not become the reason for you to practice safe driving. 

Your actions don't require any value-story. You act. You react. You don't act. You don't react. Period. You explain if anyone asks or questions to understand but you don't need to do that explaining to yourself to justify your choice or action. Your explanation should be facts without any 'frills'.  You leave groups because you don't connect with the members. Just leave. You live Only Once - Like everyone else!

Similarly as "Me" - Just live. Just love. Just share. Just respect. Just obey. Just help. Just be quiet. Just cry. Just laugh. Just pray. Just work. Just read. Just see. Just listen. Just smile. Just hug. Just walk. Just run. Just leave. Just dance. Just sing. Not a penny more, not a penny less. We are humans, so behave like one. 

The moment we start building our values as the boundary to act within, we are closing on many more that we would be leaving out-of-boundary, in the open. We should have our boundary like a thin line. The line that we have been born as human beings to live. The universe has no other higher purpose for us. WE ARE THE HIGHER PURPOSE. In our training programs we say - you can't think more than you know. So don't concentrate on the thinking too much, making unnecessary thought-out stories and wasting time, expand your knowledge - thinking is bound to follow. Use your five senses to expand your knowledge and then let this guide you up to the path. 

Be what you want to be, without a care in the world. This is the only life and the only habitable planet that we know of. Play the game of life as a player. And the beauty of this game is that there is no 'umpire'. What is visible to you and what you know is the only reality available to you. Whatever is out there is not for you. What you require and have created, is already with you. What ever is not available to your five senses at this very moment - NOW - should not be of any importance to you. Don't waste your energy.  

The choices are yours but your environment and context is the 'boundary-wall'. The values have been coded. You are running like an app. Each new level will bring its own challenges, some would let you pass easily, others would make you sweat and keep pressing "Give Up" and restart. Accumulate lifelines or lives but don't make them the reason or crutches to play the game. Keep playing. When the lives get over, wait for recharging and start playing again. You are the creator, the doer, and the destroyer. This is the rhythm of life. Don't disrupt or wait too long. No matter how much 'artificial intelligence' is used for analytics or run algorithms for better decision making etc., the machine will start or stop only when someone switches the main plug point - on/off. YOU, THE HUMAN.  

Simple!      

Shalini